Recovering From Perfectionism
We overran our first Better Bolder Braver Marketing Masterclass of 2022 with Vix Anderton. I lost track of time — because I was out of practice and because the chat was amazing. The timing wasn’t ideal. But it wasn’t the end of the world… in fact the result was great.
With Vix, what you are getting is less than perfect. On purpose. Vix has worked hard — and not so hard — on now showing up in her life as not-perfect (whatever that might mean). And helping others with recovering from perfectionism too.
But why ARE we perfectionists? Is it our upbringing? Societal? WHO CARES?!?! “It’s just another pesky guest at my mental dinner party”, as our friend Chris Kenworthy said. AND Vix invites us to consider how we might even welcome it in to the party with open arms…
After an embodiment check-in held by Vix, we spoke in detail with her about her past experiences, her extensive training and how she likes working with people like her (and how that’s ok… because she has such an incredibly good sense of herself, her limits, her boundaries and her triggers. Her personal relationships benefit from this clarity as much as her business is thriving).
Simon Batchelar and I invited Vix Anderton onto the Better Bolder Braver Marketing Masterclass show to discuss with us – amongst many things — how perfection appears, hides and disables coaches trying to do marketing. She is so articulate when it comes to naming moments of perfectionism that we can all relate to, and compassionately grounds us when we think we are onto something — feel resolution and a sense of achievement — and then need reminding that that in itself is our perfectionism speaking.
“Selfish is caring for ourselves at others’ expense. Self-care is taking care of ourselves so that we can be there for others.” ~ Bill Crawford
Vix teaches us to give permission to ourselves to think carefully, deeply and compassionately about what self care actually is, and how it is not “a single task that we can simply tick off on our way to productivity nirvana.” Read a great blog post by Vix about that here.
Whatever happened in your life, it is not your fault… you can learn to have choice, she says, quoting one of her teachers.
Vix helps her clients through embodiment work. She is particularly interested in a sense of “wholeness”, “cyclical living” and authentic relating” and addresses perfectionism through all of these practices. She loves to generously share both her own personal experience and ability to see the patterns and the ways in which she thinks others can figure things out. And what she’s so great at is asking compassionate questions in order to get closer to anything more helpful that what appeared to be the “solution” before.
“Our nervous systems are primed for safely and our souls are primed for growth”.
There is either conflict… or there is seeing things as useful.
She’s got a great analogy… building a boat as opposed to just collecting planks. The hardness of this image… the weight it conjures up around having to carry things through life is impactful. It shocks one into a stark realisation that perfectionism is not as purposeful as curation — a putting together of all of the bits — good and bad —to better understand yourself.
In conversation, we realise a lot. And we also realise a lot by just sitting still and not doing. Please take a moment to sit quietly, stop trying to achieve things and listen to this conversation.
One of Vix’s coaching invitations as per her website is “REWILD YOUR LIFE.”
Can you think of what your own punchy coaching invitation would be? If you need any help, Simon and I are here — imperfect but full of the joys of life, marketing and working with others alongside you on the journey: